As a smart, single gal in her thirties, I have come to the
conclusion that dating is one of life’s cruelest jokes on single women. I’m sure single men have their own horror
stories, but let’s face it; as the one’s meant to be courted, women often come out
with the short end of the stick when it comes to the dating scene. Honestly, how hard is it for men to treat us
with courtesy, kindness, and respect, even if we don’t turn out to be “the
one”?
Let me start with one of my earliest experiences. For the sake of anonymity, I’ll call the guy
in this instance John. Now John and I
had known each other quite a while, having attended the same high school. By this time, I was nearly out of college
when John and I began going out every weekend.
Now, like I said, I knew John quite well, so I wasn’t overly surprised
when, after about a month, he disappeared.
It was obvious he was avoiding me, and since I had no emotional
attachment to the relationship, I didn’t let it bother me. By now I’m sure some of you ladies are
nodding your heads, being very familiar with this type of behavior, but my
story gets better. After about a month
of not seeing John at all, he shows up on my doorstep and asks to speak to me. He then proceeds to ask if we had been
dating, and then apologizes for
it. Fortunately I was able to respond at
the time the same way I do now: I laughed.
Not to his face, but as soon as he was gone.
So what was the issue?
It wasn’t like I was pushing for anything more than just someone to have
fun with on the weekends. We never held
hands, and we certainly never kissed.
Yet John was so self-absorbed, or just plain ignorant, that he didn’t
even realize that what we were doing was considered dating, and then he
compounded his error by apologizing for having gone out with me in the first
place! In this instance, the humor was
quite clear to me, but it was just the first sign of things to come in my
dating life.
Following the humorous disaster that was John I’ve had other
dating experiences. Some were better
than others, and then some fell completely flat. The cosmos have introduced me to the guy who
admitted on our first date how deeply in debt he was, and then turned around
and was rude to my best friend, as well as the guy I could have easily fallen
for, who did a disappearing act anytime it looked like we could be more than
just dating buddies. It was my latest
dating disaster, however, which has taken the cake.
I met Dan online, and we hit it off enough that we started
texting. I won’t give the details, but
I’ll just say Dan had some pretty hefty baggage, but he was mostly upfront
about it, and I was willing to work with what I had. And then came that terrifying first
date. I was expecting fun and flirting;
what I got was an unwanted psycho-analysis session. Dan broke down what he saw as my “issues,”
and then tried to convince me to give him an emotional declaration so that he
could “solve” them. By the time I kicked
him out of my vehicle, I was so mad I was shaking.
I have nothing against the idea of dating; it’s a necessary
step in the courtship process. Even if
nothing serious develops, it can grant two people an afternoon or evening spent
enjoying one another’s company. What
both sides of this equation need to remember, however, is that there is a
person on the other side; a person with thoughts, feelings, and ideas of their
own. As with any interaction with
others, the best advice I could offer is to follow the golden rule. Treat your date with the same courtesy,
kindness, and respect you would like to receive, and maybe we can turn life’s
cruelest joke into our biggest laugh.
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